It can be difficult to approach someone with an eating disorder. Not only can it make us very prickly but those around us can be scared of making mistakes. It’s perhaps easier to leave the eating disorder unchallenged rather than to risk disrupting the equilibrium. However... mistakes are normal and essential for learning. Yes, sometimes you will ‘get it wrong’ but you will also sometimes ‘get it right’. The right thing will also likely change one moment to the next. Don’t be afraid of complexity and ‘getting it wrong’. And when you do get things wrong - because we all will - don’t be afraid to revisit it later.
Apologise, discuss and learn.
Here we collate some ‘mistakes’ made by members of our communities and offer them by way of examples of learning.
Don't assume the eating disorder is all about appearance/body image. Though this is listed as diagnostic criteria, to assume all eating disorders are due to a desire to be 'thinner' is reductive. More often this is an effect of starvation on the body rather than the primary cause. Take time to uncover the reason(s) the eating disorder developed, or acknowledge that this may be unclear, with the person - never assume or assign reasons for them. Danielle, EmpowerED Expert by Experience
I remember in the early stages of my recovery, I told my parents how deeply I wanted to get better and how hard I was trying. But just a few days later, I began to struggle again. They were confused, believing that recovery was a one-time decision, and couldn’t understand how it seemed like I had “changed my mind.” Over time, they came to understand that recovery is a choice I make every minute of every day, and that it isn’t linear—there are inevitable ups and downs along the way. Emily, EmpowerED Expert by Experience
Later in my recovery, my parents still closely monitored my meals—largely out of habit—but after an open conversation, they came to understand that the best way for me to build confidence was for them to show confidence in me and my recovery as well. Emily, EmpowerED Expert by Experience
For a long time, my parents believed they had to push me and carry me through recovery. More recently, they’ve learned that they can’t recover for me. Instead, they’ve become my biggest cheerleaders—offering constant support, encouragement, and love as I continue my recovery journey. Emily, EmpowerED Expert by Experience